yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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