The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
