I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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