Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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