I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
