Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
