This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
