And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
