im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
