Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
