Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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