So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need to align my fucking chakras
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