I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
