She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
