So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
