Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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