spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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