People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
