I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you had me at cake vodka
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
