I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
