okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
is it fun? or sober?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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