Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
