So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
