how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
