i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
