they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
