Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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