this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
