I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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