I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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