someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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