he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
