Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
