Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
