no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
