are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
