i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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