yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
even my farts smell like vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
