Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
