I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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