And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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