Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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