non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
