I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
