Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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