nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
