Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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