He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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