i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
