I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the gays at disneyland are vicious
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
