So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
