her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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