You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
