I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
