I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
